Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Year End...

This year has been a roller coaster.  It started out with change (I changed jobs) and ended with frustration.  In the middle I managed to lose 60 lbs, fell in love with the gym, have fun with my family and learn to focus on me. 

However in the month of November my life hit a bit of a roadblock.  My Grandmother (actually I should call her my mom) had a stroke.  I sat by her bedside for almost two weeks while she slipped away.  On the day after Thanksgiving she passed and I have been engulfed in depression.  It sucks and I am struggling! I feel like I am back to square one again.  I know I can restart and push myself, I just have not figured out how.  At the end of my work day, instead of picking the kids up and going to the gym, I just want to pick up the kids and go home.  I want to lay on the coach and veg or sleep.  I have not slept well since November 13 and the exhaustion is making me short-tempered and crazy.  I have waves of extreme depression (sobbing, difficulty breathing with anxiety) followed by manic episodes where I can not relax.  So either I have been cleaning, or more often than not cooking.  Making baked goods in the middle of the night is never a good idea, especially if you are a stress eater!

So now, as the year is coming to a end, it is time to refocus and reach my goals.  I main goal for the year is to compete in 12 organized races this year.  Mostly running, but I will do a few cycling events and possibly a triathlon.  My first race is a 5k on New Years Day.  I figure I should start the year off with fitness and it will set the tone for the year.  Second, I will take care of my mental health, as it is greatly effecting my physical health.  Doctor's appointment is already made.  Third, I will refocus my diet and start tracking again using my fitness pal or lose it.  I am also going to cut the carbs and try to eliminate a lot of gluten too.  I have also been struggling with some lactose issues, so dairy is going to be limited as well.  I am hoping this will help to detox my body and get me feeling a little better.

Well, I am tired and the kids are making it hard to type!  (Niece, Nephew and Son are going crazy trying to stay up till midnight).  I hope you all have a blessed New Year!

- Chandra

Monday, April 16, 2012

Still chugging along...

Trying out the app from my phone since i never have time to post from my laptop anymore.

I'm still here and slowly getting back on track. I've not lost any additional weight, just maintaining and it sucks. I rejoined the gym and I love it.

I'll post more a little later.

Have a great day!

Thursday, March 1, 2012


I know I have been scarce for the past week.  I started my new job (which is going really well) and have been super busy adjusting to new work time, kids schedules, wardrobe changes (I have to wear business clothes and look very professional, ie makeup!) and where heels, along with all my other ongoing challenges.

I will do a huge post this weekend.

BTW - I am down to 237.6. - Small loss, but I will take it!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday / Day 2 of 30 Day Shred

I hurt.  I am sore.  My muscles are screaming at me. 

Yep, day 2 of the 30 Day Shred challenge is complete and muscles I forgot I had (triceps, obliques, deltoids)  are asking begging me to stop the insanity.  It was so hard to get out of bed this morning at 5:30 to do my workout.  Physically, I just wanted to sleep and let me sore body rest.  But mentally, my brain screamed NO!  I reminded myself that the soreness will get better (and get better faster if I workout) and that I must workout if I am serious about losing weight and getting into shape.  I cannot lie in bed and lose weight – it does not work that way!  I have goals and I am going to reach to goals!  Sore quads be damned!

Weigh in today was a meh moment.  Today the scale flashed 238.4.  So I am up a little from last week, but I was expecting it because of the new workout.  When my muscles are taxed they tend to hold on to water.  I expect that when the soreness passes the weight should drop too. 

Today is also the official start date of my diet according to BDS.

Day 15 – Monitor Your Eating.

Today’s topic is all about tracking what you eat.  WRITE IT DOWN!  It is amazing how much better I eat when I actually take a couple of minutes to track the food ( I do this using the Lose It app).  This little step makes me so accountable.  Being accountable is the key to weight loss. Visually seeing a number of calories consumed makes me think about my food choices.

QOD – Do you track your food?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Long Weekend

This past weekend was great!  I got to rest a little bit, got some stuff done around the house, got all my errands ran, visited my Grandmother, visited with my Mother-in-Law and got to go on a date with my Husband.  For our Sunday night date we went to a local restaurant named Bentley’s.  We had a great dinner and wonderful service. I highly recommend this place if you are a local and want a great dinner at a fair price in a low key and relaxing environment.  Below is a picture of the yummy demi glazed sirlion I enjoyed.

After dinner we went to the movies together for the first time in over two years.  We saw This Means War.  Very cute movie – I really like Reese Witherspoon and the two leading men were adorable.  Chris Pine is just pure handsome and Tom Hardy has a wonderful accent to go with his rugged good looks. 

Diet wise, I stayed pretty close to on track.  I did have some wine on Sunday night with dinner and last night with dinner, but otherwise I watched my carb intake very closely as well as my calorie intake.  I definitely did not go out of control like I have been doing on the weekends and I am proud of this accomplishment.  Yeah for staying in control!

I had planned to start my 30 Day Shred challenge yesterday morning, but I was just still so tired from our late evening on Sunday night that I just could not drag myself out bed on the holiday.   So I started my challenge today instead.  I was out of bed this morning at 5:30 and working out by 5:50.  It took me a little while to get ready to workout since I had to find all my gear in the dark.  I will definitely lay all my stuff out tonight so that I can be ready in a couple of minutes instead of stumbling around in the dark.  So I popped Jillian’s 30 Day Shred DVD into the DVD player and was ready to rock.  Yeah, time for jumping jacks.  I forgot that a quarter of the workout is freaking jumping jacks!  My knees are screaming at me and my shoulders hurt.  I also discovered that my last pregnancy killed my lower abs.  I used to be able to do reverse crunches, not anymore.  I don’t think there is a muscle left in my lower abs at all! I know today was only day 1 and that by day 30 I will feel better, but ouch, today was hard!!  I will be adding a page to this blog with some before and after pictures and my measurements for this challenge.  Check back soon.

Now time for my Beck Diet Solution thoughts.

Day 11 – Differentiate Between Hunger, Desire and Cravings

On this topic I had to stop and think about how my body feels when I think I am hungry.  The main goal is to shut off the desire and craving urges so that I don’t continue to overeat.  The exercise was to document my level of hunger on a scale of 1 to 10 when sitting down to eat a meal.  I practiced this on Saturday night when we ate dinner at Applebee’s.  I ordered the Roasted Garlic Sirloin off the under 550 calorie menu and subbed the potatoes with steamed veggies.  When dinner started I was hungry at 8.  Midway through I had moved down to a 4 and when I finished dinner I was at a 1.  I ate slowly and enjoyed each bite, giving my brain time to catch up with my stomach.  I continued to practice this all weekend and I am happy to be learning the difference between needing to eat and wanting to eat. 

Day 12 – Practice Hunger Tolerance

This topic was all about skipping a meal and learning to deal with the hunger pains associated with skipping that meal.  I actually did this last week and my hunger pains never got about a 6 on my hunger scale and when I got home that evening I was able to sit down and have a reasonable dinner with out over eating.  I know I can go without eating.  It won’t kill me.  I’ve also learned that quite often I am actually thirsty and not really hungry, so drinking a glass of water will suppress the hunger pains quite well.

Day 13 – Overcome Cravings

This topic was identifying what a craving is and how to handle it.  Of course I already know what a craving is and I do have some pretty intense ones for carbie foods, like cake, bread, donuts and potatoes.  So this is a key topic for me in learning to overcome them. 

First, I learned 5 mindset techniques to deal with the craving.
            1. Label it – admit and acknowledge that I am craving this food and that I am not actually hungry and will not die if I don’t eat it.
            2.  Stand firm – tell myself that I will not give in and eat the said food. 
            3.  Don’t give yourself a choice - I WILL NOT! Nothing tastes as good as thin will feel!
            4.  Imagine the aftermath of giving in – Stop and think about if I did give in.  Yes, the food would probably taste great, but I would feel horrible because I gave in again and keep defeating myself in my journey to lose weight.
            5.  Remind myself why I want to learn to withstand cravings – I have to read my advantage response cards and remind myself why I what to lose weight.

Second, I learned 4 behavioral techniques to deal with the craving.
            1.  Distance yourself from the food you crave – Step away from the cupcake!!
            2.  Drink a no or low calorie beverage – I drink a glass of water or a cup of tea and this usually helps suppress the craving.
            3.  Relax – stopping for 3 minutes and doing some relaxation exercises can help to take the mind off the craving and make me feel more in control of my cravings.  I know that they are usually brought on by stress, so learning to relax and deal with the cause of the stress instead of feeding it is definitely my new plan of action.
            4.  Distract myself – go for a walk, watch TV, read, knit, chat with a friend, etc.  Do anything but sit there and think about eating the food I am craving.  If I do something else, I will forget the craving and move on.

Day 14 – Plan for Tomorrow

This topic was all about planning for today (the official start of my diet according to the book).  I had to stop and plan for my meals and write it down.  I have already done this since I have been following South Beach for the past week.  I am prepared for tomorrow.

Have a great day everyone!! Please share your comments and thoughts. J
QOD - What did you do over the long weekend?

Friday, February 17, 2012

Sunny Friday!

Today has been a pretty good day.  I’m a little on the tired side since baby girl is still having some sleep issues and is waking me up in the middle of the night.  However, I will be implementing the new schedule this coming Monday and will hopefully have everyone in synch within a couple of weeks.

This weekend will be time to relax and get some stuff done around the house.  Hopefully we will continue to have some sunshine (today is absolutely gorgeous) and I will be able to get a lot done on this 3 day weekend.  I am one of those people that weather totally effects.  As long as the sun is shining I usually feel great and have pretty good energy, it does not matter to me if it is warm or cold, just sunny.  If it is cloudy and overcast, my energy starts to drop and I get so lethargic.  I am totally a Southern California girl! (Though my dream is to move to Hawaii.)

My other main goal for the weekend is to stay on track with my diet.  I have been on course all week and I don’t need to blow it now.  Weekends are usually my down fall, but I am trying to be present and continue to consciously diet.  To constantly remind myself that NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN WILL FEEL!! 

BDS Day 10 – Goal Setting

Today’s topic was about setting realistic goals.  Of course everyone wants to set long term goals (which are great) but it is hard to stay focused on them when it will take time to achieve the goal.  For me, my long term goal is to lose 112 pounds and if I only had that goal I would quickly be disenchanted with the process and would lose focus.  To set a realistic goal (smaller more manageable goals that should be easily attainable in the short term) the book encourages 5 pound increments and to celebrate or award yourself (with a non-food item or event) each time you reach your short term goal.  So I will do what the book suggests and set 5 pound increments and reward myself for each 5 pounds I lose by putting $10 in a celebration jar.  This money will be used to purchase something fabulous or do something fabulous when I reach goal my ultimate goal.  I am also doing some milestone goals 5%, 10%, 15%, onederland, 20%, 25%, 30%, 35%, 40%, then ultimate goal.  I am still trying to decide on my reward for reaching each of these milestones (a reward will be more instant and gratifying) but I will share them once I figure them out.

QOD – Does the weather affect your daily mood?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Catch Up

It is has been a busy week and so here I am catching up for the past three days.

Tuesday – Valentine’s Day

Had a nice day.  We have not really celebrated it because both my hunny and I work and it is hard to doing something together on a weekday.  Maybe we will do something this weekend (may just the two of us too since my MIL will be in town and might be willing to watch the kiddos).  I did make dinner and it was quite yummy.  I made chicken marsala with garlic sautéed broccoli and sautéed squash with peppers and onions.  The chicken was very tasty (I don’t really like chicken so this was great for me find something I like) and the broccoli and squash were also a huge hit.  My son could have eaten the whole bowl of broccoli on his own.  The entire meal was low carb and was within phase 1 of South Beach.  Woohoo for staying in plan!

BDS Day 7 – Change Your Environment

This topic was about changing your environment to better prepare for dieting and losing weight. The first step is to remove temptations.  For me this is out of sight out of mind.  Since I have kids it is hard for me to get rid of all the goodies so the key for me is to put them in the pantry so they don’t tempt me.  If I don’t see the cookies I don’t want the cookies!  The second step was to consider other people at home and work.  My family is well aware of my goals and they are on board so I don’t have to be too strict about what we are eating or what they are eating in front of me. I am also exercising some amazing self-control so changing my environment has been pretty easy to do.  I was able to walk past three large plates of homemade cookies at my office without eating any of them.  They were on the table for two days before they were all gone.  I am quite proud of this accomplishment!

Wednesday – Weigh in day – Official Weigh-in – 236.5!!

Wednesday was a typical rush out the door, get the kids to school, work, run errands, work some more, get kids home from school kind of day.  During the evening I had to prepare the kids picture outfits for today since they were both taking school pictures this morning. 

For dinner I made a fabulous Curried Beef Stir-fry.  OMG it was good and low carb and phase 1 of SB!!

I’m going to try and be a little more adventurous with my seasonings and expand my palate and not my waist.  Also, since I am eating more meat, I have to make it tasty since I am not a big meat eater to begin with.  Giving up the rice and other starchy carbs I’ve used to fill my plate in the past is definitely a change for the better and I am going to embrace this new low carb lifestyle to the best of my ability.  Especially since I am already seeing some really positive movement on the scale! Monday morning I was back up to 241.8 after a weekend of binging on carbs and today I was at 236.5 that translates to a 5.3lb loss in three days.  I know some of it is water weight and it will taper off, but right now it is super encouraging!

BDS Day 8 – Scheduling

This topic is all about scheduling time to diet.  Making time to prepare foods, eat slowly, shop for proper foods, and exercise.  I was required to write out my schedule to make this diet happen.  Below is my proposed weekday schedule (I am going to put it into effect starting next Monday.)


This morning was another rushed morning.  I am having a lot of pain in my right hip at night when trying to sleep (I think it might be bursitis L, so I am going to start a regime of some anti-inflammatories, icing and stretching to see if I can get it feeling better), so I am not sleeping well which is resulting in me oversleeping.  Not good when trying to get three people ready in the morning.  Today the kids had their first official school pictures and I had to get them both adorable for them.  It is crazy, but  my 3 month old had her first school picture taken this morning and she was too cute!  She wore a fabulous pink and white polka-dotted dress with a matching flower hair clippie.  My son was looking pretty cute too in his blue and orange striped rugby shirt and khakis! I am excited to see how these pictures come out.  Dinner tonight will just be leftover stir fry, since I will be trying to clean house a little to get ready for company this weekend.

BDS Day 8 – Select an Exercise Plan

Today’s topic was to pick an exercise plan.  I’ve been pondering my plan for exercise for the past couple of weeks and now I have to decide what I want to do and when.  I actually really love to exercise, but my schedule has been preventing me from doing it so I had pretty much stopped.  I know to lose weight I need to get back on track so no more letting my schedule control me.  I will just have to schedule it in (first thing in the morning) and suck up the lost sleep.  Hopefully the benefits from extra energy because of the exercise will help me power through the day. 

So starting Monday, I will be getting up at 5:00 so that I can do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  I am also going to try and start walking a couple of evenings a week since it is finally getting lighter and I can see where I am going with two kids in tow.  I also want to try and do yoga once a week on either Friday evenings or Sunday afternoon at my favorite studio.  Those are the days that they have community donation yoga and the cost is substantially less.

I am also starting to think long term about my goal to do a triathlon this year before my 35th birthday and if I am going to do this I need to get my bike repaired and start swimming.  I am looking to which triathlon I want to do and possibly joining the local tri club so I can receive some proper training regarding transitioning and pool privileges.  Decisions!

QOD – What is your favorite exercise?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day Thoughts

Today I will express my love for those people who really matter and make a difference in my life.

First, I should publicly express how much I love my husband.  He really is awesome.  He loves me and puts up with my craziness.  I may complain that he may not be much help around the house, but he does try and he is a wonderful person.  To think we have been together right at fourteen years and still going strong!  Love you Greg!

Second, I have the most wonderful kids in the world.  Logan is an amazing little boy, who is so bright and kind.  I love to watch him and try to understand how his mind works. Madelyn is my precious little girl and the apple of my eye.  She steals my heart every day with her sweet little smiles.  I am so excited to watch them grow and make their marks on this world.

Lastly, I really do have some awesome family members and friends.  I love the support you all provide me.  Even if we don’t speak often, please know that I think of you all regularly (if not daily). 

I love you all and hope you have a wonderful day!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Monday Madness

This morning started off with some chaos, but every morning does when trying to get two kids ready and out the door along with myself.  Things calmed down by the time I got to work and have been pretty smooth sailing since then. 

Diet wise, I did get a little out of control with the carbs this weekend (major amount of popcorn and mini cupcakes).  I was craving it so I gave in.  It wasn’t bad but I am definitely feeling it today – I can’t get enough to drink.  I guess my body is trying to flush all the salt from the popcorn.  I did start South Beach today and so far so good.  I have craved some bread but I am sticking to my guns and I will do this.

Beck Diet Solution Update:

Day 4 – Give Credit! 

I am supposed to give myself credit each time I do something good, i.e. pass over the bread basket, read my AR cards, exercise, eat slowly, etc.  Too often I am quick beat myself up for failing at something and it creates a downward spiral.  This has been particularly true with trying to lose weight.  I start each day out great, then something happens midday and I give in or cheat on my diet and what happens I give up for the day and say to hell with it, I’ll start again tomorrow.  Well starting again tomorrow has not worked for the past 7 years, so it is definitely not going to start now.  I need to give myself credit when I make the right choices and remind myself of that when I am tempted.  If I do give in, then I need to regroup and start again right away – no more waiting till the next day.

Day 5 – Eat Slowly and Mindfully

I must slow down when I eat.  I need to take time to eat a meal, chew slowly and enjoy my food.  If I enjoy it I will feel full longer and sooner and this will help me reach my goals. 

Day 6 – Find a Diet Coach

So I need to find someone who will be the devil and the angel on my shoulder.  Someone who will hold me accountable and will provide encouragement when needed.  Someone who will be there daily if I need it and will definitely hold me to the plan weekly.  I obviously can’t do this on my own, or I would have lost the weight already.  Any takers?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Finally Friday!

Yeah for Friday!!  I love it when I reach the end of the week.  I am finally feeling a lot better and I am happier!  Why?  Because I got a new job!! I am moving to a different firm at the end of the month and I am excited for the change.  I've been in a pretty toxic environment now for about 2.5 years and it has really brought me down. I am hopeful that I will get out of this slump and move onward and upward.  (Higher pay will help too!J)

Now for day 3 of BDS –

Eat While Seated!!  The whole topic today is about stopping to sit when eating meals and snacks.  I am actually pretty good about this.  I just need to tweak my morning routine a little more so that I actual eat a little slower.  I am so rushed in the morning that I inhale my food and I usually do it while running around.  I don’t just stop and eat.  I need to change this.  The other concept that was stressed in connection with this was to be aware of all the BLTs (bites, licks, and tastes) you consume each day.  I’m not one to graze and I am trying to be better about absentminded eating, so I just need to pay attention to if I am sampling while making dinner.  If I am, I need to stop it!

QOD: Do you eat sitting down?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thankful Thursday

Today I am feeling a little better health wise and I am thankful for that.  I am also thankful for a change that is happening.  I see some happiness coming my way. J  I will go into more details in a day or so.

Now for my daily BDS update:

Day 2 – Pick your diet and backup diet.

Today I had to sit down and think about what kind of diet plan I wanted to follow.  Do I want to do WW or Atkins, South Beach or Dukan, count calories or limit carbs...the list could go on and on.  The only requirement is that it is healthy and it is something I think I can do.  I think I am going to try and follow South Beach.  My back up will be Weight Watchers (counting at home).  I can continue to just limit my calories and log my food, like I have been, however I feel I need a little more structure and I need to kick start this weight loss.  I actually have huge carb dependence issues and I need to break it.  I am hoping South Beach can help me do it.  I will of course continue to track my calories and exercise because as I stated before it all boils down to calories in calories out.

QOD: What is your food vice?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

Happy to report that the scale flashed 239.3  this morning!! 

Still feeling under the weather and still battling some stomach issues.  I’m really tired of coughing today and my voice is sounding pretty raw from all the hacking.

I read the first 4 chapters of The Beck Diet Solution (“BDS”), which was discussion of the program, what the keys to success are, what makes me eat, how thin people eat, and a summary of the things I will learn over the next six weeks.  For the next 6 weeks I will have a daily task to complete.  I will be recording those tasks here, along with any additional thoughts.

So let me begin.

Day 1 – Record the Advantages of Losing Weight

Today I am creating “advantage response cards” (ARC) on which I will write down why I want to lose weight. I will read these cards daily and I will carry these cards with me all the time and when I face challenges or temptations, I will review them to reinforce me desire to lose weight and overcome the challenges.   I will create the cards, post them for reading in various locations, and schedule reminders for me to actually stop and read the cards. So the topic of the first card is:

So why do I want to lose weight?

·         I’ll look better
·         I’ll be more attractive to others
·         I’ll enjoy shopping for clothing more
·         I’ll be able to exercise without discomfort (run easier, cycle longer)
·         I’ll have more energy
·         I won’t be an embarrassment to my family
·         I’ll be able to play with my kids without getting tired
·         I’ll live longer
·         I’ll be able to do more activities (horseback riding, zip-lining, skydiving, hot-air ballooning)
·         I’ll feel more sexually attractive for my husband
·         I’ll feel more in control
·         I’ll be stronger and physically fit
·         I’ll be happy to wear a swimsuit in Hawaii
·         I’ll look good for Greg’s 20 year class reunion

My schedule is to read my ARC cards each morning when I wake up, during my lunch hour and before dinner each night. 

Picture of my completed card will come tomorrow after I dig up some 3x5 cards at home.

QOD:  What are your reasons for losing weight or maintaining your current weight?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Update (Sick, Super Bowl, Mental)

Still battling a cold and it sucks!! My head hurts and I am totally congested.  At least the stomach flu was short lived (only 3 days).  The weather has also changed again here.  Mother nature can’t seem to make up her mind – one day it is bright and sunny and the next it is cold and damp.  I think all this weather fluctuating is messing with my sinuses as well.

I guess the benefit of all this illness is that I have had really no appetite.  For the Super Bowl (Go Giants!) festivities I made from scratch the following: chili, green chili & cheddar cornbread, pinto beans, salsa, and hot queso dip.  I supplemented it with a fresh veggie tray and some corn chips.  I ate almost nothing!  I felt so awful and none of it really tasted good to me, so I just didn’t eat.  My husband and son chowed down!! They thought it was awesome and ate till they both were ready to pop.  I never intended to eat a ton, but I did plan for the extra calories so I was prepared, but since I never really partook I ended up saving myself a bunch of calories.  I should definitely see a loss on the scale tomorrow. 

As for my pursuit of finding some happiness in the areas that were lacking in my life... I followed some leads but still have not heard anything.  Please keep me in your thoughts that something will pan out.

Exercise wise, I have not been doing too well.  I have taken a hiatus from the stairs since it was irritating my right knee.  I did something to my knee during Christmas and I thought I had gotten over it but I guess not.  It hurts going up and going down.  I’m ok with walking and other activities so I will have to move to something else. 

As I discussed in my post last Wednesday, I have decided to really get to the root of my weight issues (the mental part).  Since I can’t afford psychotherapy I am going to read and implement the Beck Diet Solution (Train Your Brain To Think Like A Thin Person).  The book was discussed in the workshop I attended last week and the fundamental principles are sound.  Furthermore, it is not a diet; it is a thinking plan to works with your diet.  It is all about changing the way you think and your relationship with food.  Right now I turn to food when I am stressed, sad or angry.  I need to break change this relationship and find new ways of coping.  I picked the book up at the library today during my lunch and I will be starting tomorrow.  I will try post daily on the topics and on my thoughts.

QOD: Do emotions trigger you to eat?

Monday, February 6, 2012


Having a cold and the stomache flu at the same time sucks!!

I'll post more later when I don't feel like I was hit by a truck!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Weigh In Wednesday

I have decided that I will weigh in each week on Wednesday morning (usually around 7 am while I am getting ready for work).  This will be my official weight of the week, regardless of the various scale hops I do during the week.  So here is my first official weigh in:

240.2 – which translates to a 2.4 loss!  Woohoo!!

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday.  I was just totally swamped with work and kid issues (my son lost his glasses and we spent an hour searching for them at the school – btw they were found this morning).  I also made a pretty big decision yesterday that I hope will turn into something great.  I will hopefully know more this afternoon.

The reason I was spurred into making a tough decision was the fact that I had a really bad day at work on Monday after a weekend of sabotaging myself. So after my post on Monday, I received a wonderful email from my cousin (who has lost 60 pounds in the past few months) whose words really helped me put things into perspective.  Yesterday while I was still thinking about her email I attended a wellness seminar regarding Healthy Weight and Wellness presented by Ellen Resnick of  During that seminar we learned about the following:

           The importance of prioritizing your wellness goals and tips to stick with it.
           Mindfulness skills and practices for calming your mind and relaxing your body in times of stress.
           To end your dependence on eating as a means of coping with difficult emotions.  You’ll not only discover easy ways to soothe urges to overeat, you’ll also learn how to differentiate emotion-driven hunger from healthy hunger.
           To bring down your cortisol levels (the stress hormone that makes you crave food) by slowing down your breathing intentionally.
           To reach for these tools instead of the refrigerator next time you feel the urge to snack – these alternatives are just as satisfying.

I realized that while my mindless eating comes from stress and unhappiness. In particular I am not happy with my job.  I feel undervalued, unchallenged and as though I am not wanted.  I really have never experienced such a negative environment and I have been here for almost three years just dealing with it.  In dealing with it I have continued to maintain my weight and have not really made it very far at all in my efforts despite the amount of exercise and dieting I have done.  I am glad I have finally figured this out and now I am on a mission to change it.

In the seminar yesterday we also discussed some of the principles from the Beck Diet Solution.  I have heard great things about this program and book and the way it helps you understand your thinking/reasoning process in connection with your eating habits. I am going to order the workbook and check the book out at the library and see if I can apply some of these principles to my life.

QOD: How do you handle stress? Unhappiness?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Sabotaging myself

The weekend has come and gone and I am no closer to my goals.  If anything, I am actually at least a pound further away.  I need to exercise the same control over my weekend eating as I do during the week.  I have been diligent about planning my meals and writing everything down during the week but when it comes to the weekend I totally relax.  What happens when I relax?  I lose control.  I eat crap I don’t need! I eat too much!  I don’t drink enough water!  All of which lead to a gain on the scale.  This morning I did a quick scale hop and I was up almost two pounds!! NOT GOOD!!  I am so mad at myself right now!  I need to keep everything in check all the time it I truly want to lose this weight.  I am my own biggest enemy!  I am so tired of being fat and out of shape.  I don’t want to be the fat mom!  I want to be the fit mom that can run and play with her kids.  I don’t want to wear frumpy clothes and look like I am 4 months pregnant all the time.  I want to be sexy for my husband.  Right now I am a cow and I hate it!! 

I want to be successful!  I know that this is a long term project and I need to be patient with the process, but I must get in control and stay in control or the project will fail! No more sabotaging myself!

QOD – What do you do to stay in control?

Friday, January 27, 2012

Finally Friday!

Yeah it is Friday and the work week is ending!!  Today has been good so far, nothing to crazy and just enough work to keep me from going stir crazy.  Actually got some housework done this morning, so I actually felt productive before I even got into the office.  Also had my day made by the great barista (whose name is totally escaping me right now) at my regular haunt, besides greeting me with a smile, he complimented me on my hair.  Said it look great!  I cut it back in December to a much more manageable length (baby girl was pulling it out by the handful) and it is what I call my Rapunzel hair.  I love Rapunzel (my favorite Disney princess) and I absolutely adore her hair at the end of the movie after it is cut.  I know, everyone desire the long blond hair, not me!  I like it short and fun! 

As promised here is the recipe for the quick and easy microwave omelet I make each morning.

½ cup of Egg substitute
1 handful of baby spinach
3 mushrooms, chopped
1-2 tbs of chopped onion
2 tbs of chopped tomato
1 slice of Swiss Cheese (I use reduced fat)

Use a mug or bowl that will hold approximately 2 cups.  Spray the bowl with some pam and toss the spinach, mushrooms and onions in. 

Microwave for 1 minute.  Remove from microwave, stir and add the egg substitute. 

Return to Microwave for 1 minute.  Remove and stir again, top with tomatoes and cheese and microwave for another 30 -40 seconds. 

Remove from microwave and let stand for about a minute.  Enjoy!! 

This is approximately 130 calories. 

QOD - Who is your favorite princess (Disney or otherwise)?

Thursday, January 26, 2012

On track...

Woohoo! My legs are not as sore as they have been.  Four days and I can finally go up and down the stairs without limping.  Now I just need to get the cardiovascular in check.  I am so winded when I get the top the four flights of stairs.  It is just plain embarrassing that I am this out of shape!  I know it will get better, slowly. 

I stayed completely on track with my food yesterday and actually had some calories left over.  I think the way I am starting my day may be helping my efforts. For the last couple of days for breakfast I have had a fabulous little microwave omelet.  I will post a recipe and pictures tomorrow.  Starting the day with a high fiber, high protein, and low carb meal is helping to keep my cravings in check.  I’ve been able to make it to noon before seeking a snack (which is yogurt or fruit and cheese).  Today I had my left over potato soup (another great low calorie, low fat recipe I created) for my snack and I am enjoying my Greek yogurt while I write this post.  BTW, Chobani Strawberry Banana Greek Yogurt is SUPER YUMMY!!!  Definitely a new favorite!

Now to keep moving on this healthy eating track and not let the weekend knock me off.

So what do you eat to start your day?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


So today day is Wednesday and I am midway through the week.  So far it has not been too bad.  Last night was pretty easy with the kids, stuck to the dinner plan (stayed under my allotted calories) and got to bed at a decent hour.  I did have to get up in the middle of the night to feed Ms. Maddy which translates to losing 1-2 hours of sleep.  I am dragging a little today, but so far everything has gone smoothly. 

I am still sore from taking the stairs, but I am not going to let it deter me.  Sore muscles are a good thing! 

Food thoughts for today – I love my Vanilla Almond Rooibos tea.  It is totally helping to kick some of my sugar cravings to the curb. I usually start searching for candy or chocolate in the late afternoon and since I have started drinking this tea that craving has subsided.  I do still need a little snack but now my fruit seems to be filling the spot just fine.  Before I would eat the fruit and then 20 minutes later I was still hungry and dying for something sweet.

So what do you do to combat cravings?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Monday's suck but coupons rock!

Yesterday was the start of a new week.  The first full week of being back at work and the kids being in daycare and pre-K.  The morning went pretty smoothly and I actually got to work on time.  During my lunch hour I did a little grocery shopping at my local Vons using coupons.  I am just venturing into the world of coupon shopping and so far it rocks!  Yesterday I was able to save 52% using my club card and coupons and everything I purchased was healthy items my family will eat with no problems.  On Sunday I did some grocery shopping at Target and was able to save 44% using coupons.  Other than buying some fruit, a loaf of bread and some milk (which I actually have some coupons for) we are stocked up for the next couple of weeks.  We are on a really tight budget so I have to make our food dollars stretch.

So back to my day, I finished out the work day and picked the kids up.  The drive home was a little on the stressful side because it was raining and apparently no one knows how to drive in the rain.  The drive home should have only taken 20 minutes max and instead it took about 35, all the while Maddy was screaming because she was hungry.  Finally got home around 6:15 and fed the baby.  Logan and I got to eat around 7:30 or so.  I am so grateful he is being patient with his baby sister and understands that she needs so much attention.  I didn’t make the best food choice, I ended up finishing off some tortilla chips and queso but I didn’t go over my allotted calories either.  I was just so tired from not getting any sleep the night before that I just grabbed what I could make in about 30 seconds.  We crawled into bed around 10 pm.

This morning was chaos! Woke up really late and only had about 30 minutes to get everyone ready and out the door.  We made it!  Thankfully I have easy lunch/snack items stored in the fridge and I was able to pull something together in about 1 minute while my coffee was brewing.  Today I had a Trader Joes Greek Salad (140 cal), apple, string cheese, and non-fat strawberry yogurt.  I grabbed breakfast at Starbucks (using a gift card) since I was starving after I dropped the kids off (a veggie breakfast sandwich (350 cal) and skinny mocha (110 cal)).  Tonight Logan and I will have tacos from the leftovers from Sunday night’s dinner. 

On an exercise note – my legs are sore from taking the stairs!  I am glad to finally be moving a little more.  I will get some more exercise tonight since I have to clean house a little and I always burn a few calories doing that. J

Blogging note – in reading some of my favorite blogs I noticed that many post a question at the end so I think I will too.  I hope it will lead to some new information, insight, encouragement and new friendships. 

So do you use coupons? Any fabulous deals as a result of using them?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Weekends=Stress :(

This past weekend was tough.  I had ambitious plans to get a lot done, but when it was over, nothing was really done.  I really need to find some balance between taking care of the house, kids and relaxing.   My week days are packed with work all day and taking care of the kids in the evenings, which leaves me exhausted and climbing into bed around 10 pm most nights.  Thus, I have a desire to save up all the house work and major errands for the weekend, but this is not good either.  The kids and I only get to see my husband on the weekends so who wants to spend that time working when it should be a fun relaxing time.  So going back to this past weekend, spent too much time doing nothing really and as a result I returned to work this morning, completely stressed and feeling overwhelmed with the work I need to do at home.  I think I need to plan out my week better and use my lunch hour to run errands and grocery shop.  I get so much more done when I am by myself.  I really do love my family, but they really slow me down when trying to get things done.   Between baby girl requiring almost constant attention, the 5 year old who needs attention and constantly interrupts me to get that attention and my husband who needs helps with practically everything involving the house or the kids, I am left with my head spinning and nothing getting done.   I want to spend time with my family doing fun things, not resenting them because I am left with all the housework and errands to do all weekend.

Then to compound the weekend issues, I overate and ate crap all weekend.  Not the thing to do when trying to lose weight!  I ideally would like to lose two pounds a week but that will not happen if I eat pizza, cake and drink alcohol on the weekends.  But the past is the past and now it is time to move forward.

This morning I am back on track with my food and even got a little exercise in.  For breakfast I had an egg mug omelet and a large cup of decaf coffee with a little nonfat creamer.  I also packed my lunch and snacks (TJ Southwest salad, apple, almonds, Greek black cherry yogurt and string cheese).  I also took the stairs when I got to the office this morning.  I was totally winded after 4 floors of stairs.  I didn’t realize I had gotten that out of shape.  I will be taking the stairs exclusively! No more elevators for me.

Friday, January 20, 2012

First Week Back At Work - New Routines

On Wednesday, January 18th I returned to work after being out on maternity leave for 12 weeks.  First, let me point out that it really, really sucks to go back to work and leave me sweet little baby in the care of someone else!  On the upside, I really like the location I choose to watch and teach my children. I hope this will alleviate some of my stress.

Second, my morning routine is going to be a balancing act.  I have to get myself up and ready, get Logan up and ready, and then get Madelyn up and ready. I have to make sure everyone is fed, school and work bags packed, drive half-way across town to drop the kids off at daycare and pre-K, then get myself to work by 9 am.  I have to leave my house by 8 am to get to work on time.  Of course I want to maximize my sleep because I am still getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby so the earliest I can tolerate dragging out of bed is 6 am.  So far I think this schedule will work for us, however I definitely need to utilize some preplanning the night before to make sure it all goes smoothly.

Third, my job can be extremely stressful at times and at other times, very boring.  Both instances send me searching for food! I could easily sit at my desk and consume a day’s worth of calories in just a few hours, make that a few minutes!  To end this vicious cycle of eating (and to save money) I am packing my own lunch and snacks. 

Lastly, our evening routine will hopefully be the easiest part of the day.  We do not get home until 6 pm and everyone is starving by then so the challenge will be making sure that I am prepared to make quick and healthy meals for us.  It is so easy to just stop and get fast food on the way home, but my huge butt and empty check account can attest that this is not the best idea!

The next challenge will be working some real exercise into this schedule.

So far the first three days back at work have gone pretty smoothly and the routine seems to be working.  Hopefully it will get easier as time goes by.

Now that I am almost caught up on getting this blog going, I hope to post at least once a day.

Back Story

Welcome to my blog! This is my little place on the web were I will share my successes and since I am being honest, sometimes failures in my journey to lose weight. 

Here is the background on my struggle and where I am today.  I have been struggling with my weight since about 1998.  At first I it was just a few pounds creeping on, then in about 2000 I started gaining pretty steadily and by 2004 I was up to 242 pounds and miserable. To put this into perspective, when I graduated high school in 1996 I was around 130 and really fit.   In 2004 I joined Weight Watchers (WW) for the first time.  I had big plans to lose the weight before my wedding that November.   When November rolled around I had lost about 25 pounds.  Yeah, I had lost some weight but I was not successful in my own eyes.  I really failed at working the program.  I would get lazy and not track my food (points) and what gain weight.  So this was pretty much my MO for the next few years, I would gain and lose the same 20-25 pounds following the WW plan intermittently.  In mid-2006 I became pregnant with my first child and thankfully I only gained about 15 pounds during the entire pregnancy.  Needless to say I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight (230lbs) within a week or so of having Logan.  So I continued with WW, still gaining and losing the same amount of weight and not really getting anywhere with my goal. 

In 2008 I had by heart broken by a person I thought was a friend and that rejection spurred me into action to stop messing with the scale and actually try to get fit again. I had always wanted to do an endurance event, so I signed up with Team-in-Training to do the Nike Women’s Marathon in October of that year.  I trained and successfully completed the half-Marathon.  I loved my experience and have gone on to do three more half-Marathons since then.  I have also trained with Team for Century Bike ride and have become a pretty good cyclist. (My husband would disagree because I had a freak accident in which I broke my ankle in three places and a couple of other crashes one of which left me with a concussion and some pretty knarly road rash.  But I figure that if Lance Armstrong can crash from time to time, then so can I!)  So from 2008 through early 2011 I was pretty active training for events, going to the gym or doing some local fitness boot camps which helped to keep my weight in check and at one point I was down to 212 pounds.  I even started the P90x program and had completed the first 4 weeks when I found out I was pregnant.  Since pregnancy is difficult and risky for me I decided to take a break from all the exercise and concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy.  In October of 2011 I gave birth to a sweet baby girl.  Over the course of the pregnancy I gained about 55 pounds and reached my highest weight ever of 272 pounds!!  I just about fainted when I saw the scale hit that number.  Within a few weeks of having Madelyn I had lost 30 pounds and was back on track.  I rejoined WW and was ready to tackle this weight once and for all.  Then the holiday’s hit.

I made it through the holidays pretty much unscathed by the scale, but financial issues hit hard instead.  So instead of going back to the gym and continuing with WW, I have had to cancel both memberships to help save money.  I decided that I am not going to let money issues stop me, I am going to do this on my own (with the support of family and friends) without paying for programs and memberships.

So here I am today...242.6 pounds and ready to kick these pounds to the curb!!  I will be utilizing a free app call LoseIt to track my calories and exercise every day to help keep me on track and moving toward my ultimate goal of 140 pounds.  I want and need to lose 102.6 pounds!  I will be setting smaller goals along the way to help keep me from getting discouraged and to keep the whole process in perspective.

I know it is crazy but I would like to lose the majority of this weight before my 35th birthday on December 5, 2012.  Another goal I have is to compete in a triathlon before I turn 35. 

So that was by back story and from this point forward please check back regularly to read the Chronicles of the Shrinking Diva!