2012 Year End...

This year has been a roller coaster.  It started out with change (I changed jobs) and ended with frustration.  In the middle I managed to lose 60 lbs, fell in love with the gym, have fun with my family and learn to focus on me. 

However in the month of November my life hit a bit of a roadblock.  My Grandmother (actually I should call her my mom) had a stroke.  I sat by her bedside for almost two weeks while she slipped away.  On the day after Thanksgiving she passed and I have been engulfed in depression.  It sucks and I am struggling! I feel like I am back to square one again.  I know I can restart and push myself, I just have not figured out how.  At the end of my work day, instead of picking the kids up and going to the gym, I just want to pick up the kids and go home.  I want to lay on the coach and veg or sleep.  I have not slept well since November 13 and the exhaustion is making me short-tempered and crazy.  I have waves of extreme depression (sobbing, difficulty breathing with anxiety) followed by manic episodes where I can not relax.  So either I have been cleaning, or more often than not cooking.  Making baked goods in the middle of the night is never a good idea, especially if you are a stress eater!

So now, as the year is coming to a end, it is time to refocus and reach my goals.  I main goal for the year is to compete in 12 organized races this year.  Mostly running, but I will do a few cycling events and possibly a triathlon.  My first race is a 5k on New Years Day.  I figure I should start the year off with fitness and it will set the tone for the year.  Second, I will take care of my mental health, as it is greatly effecting my physical health.  Doctor's appointment is already made.  Third, I will refocus my diet and start tracking again using my fitness pal or lose it.  I am also going to cut the carbs and try to eliminate a lot of gluten too.  I have also been struggling with some lactose issues, so dairy is going to be limited as well.  I am hoping this will help to detox my body and get me feeling a little better.

Well, I am tired and the kids are making it hard to type!  (Niece, Nephew and Son are going crazy trying to stay up till midnight).  I hope you all have a blessed New Year!

- Chandra

Weigh In Wednesday

I have decided that I will weigh in each week on Wednesday morning (usually around 7 am while I am getting ready for work).  This will be my official weight of the week, regardless of the various scale hops I do during the week.  So here is my first official weigh in:

240.2 – which translates to a 2.4 loss!  Woohoo!!

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday.  I was just totally swamped with work and kid issues (my son lost his glasses and we spent an hour searching for them at the school – btw they were found this morning).  I also made a pretty big decision yesterday that I hope will turn into something great.  I will hopefully know more this afternoon.

The reason I was spurred into making a tough decision was the fact that I had a really bad day at work on Monday after a weekend of sabotaging myself. So after my post on Monday, I received a wonderful email from my cousin (who has lost 60 pounds in the past few months) whose words really helped me put things into perspective.  Yesterday while I was still thinking about her email I attended a wellness seminar regarding Healthy Weight and Wellness presented by Ellen Resnick of www.thoughfulweightloss.com.  During that seminar we learned about the following:

•           The importance of prioritizing your wellness goals and tips to stick with it.

•           Mindfulness skills and practices for calming your mind and relaxing your body in times of stress.

•           To end your dependence on eating as a means of coping with difficult emotions.  You’ll not only discover easy ways to soothe urges to overeat, you’ll also learn how to differentiate emotion-driven hunger from healthy hunger.

•           To bring down your cortisol levels (the stress hormone that makes you crave food) by slowing down your breathing intentionally.

•           To reach for these tools instead of the refrigerator next time you feel the urge to snack – these alternatives are just as satisfying.

I realized that while my mindless eating comes from stress and unhappiness. In particular I am not happy with my job.  I feel undervalued, unchallenged and as though I am not wanted.  I really have never experienced such a negative environment and I have been here for almost three years just dealing with it.  In dealing with it I have continued to maintain my weight and have not really made it very far at all in my efforts despite the amount of exercise and dieting I have done.  I am glad I have finally figured this out and now I am on a mission to change it.

In the seminar yesterday we also discussed some of the principles from the Beck Diet Solution.  I have heard great things about this program and book and the way it helps you understand your thinking/reasoning process in connection with your eating habits. I am going to order the workbook and check the book out at the library and see if I can apply some of these principles to my life.

QOD: How do you handle stress? Unhappiness?